Far Trek Moya: That Smelly Old Cheese
by EdenAdvance
Summary: Another adventure for the crew of USS Moya.


Far Trek: Moya

Far Trek: Moya   
by EdenAdvance

Disclaimer: Sadly, no one belongs to me, not even my dog. Farscape is owned by O'Bannon, Henson and Nine Networks. Star Trek: Voyager is owned by paramount. No copyright infringement is intended, only lot's of fun.   
Summary: When an accident happens on board Moya, Capt. Safeway must investigate the whole thing.  
Notes: This work of fiction is not to be taken seriously. This is me avoiding maths and on too much ice tea. Of course, a small warning first: It is strictly forbidden to eat during the reading of the following. Drinking is allowed, but not advisable. (Just kidding) 

Far Trek: Moya - That Smelly Old Cheese.

Starring: (not in alphabetical order)

Moya and Pilot as USS Moya  
Capt. Aeryn Safeway  
Commander D'Argotay  
Lieutenant Zhavok  
Lieutenant Tom Crichton  
Lieutenant Gilina Torres  
Chia of Nine  
Ensign Bialar Kim  
Rygel the Cook 

&

Scorpy as the EMP (Emergency Medical Psycho) and Larraq as himself

We join our motley crew of space cadets in space, where they're still trying to find there way home. Of course, not all of them mind being completely lost, like Lt. Tom Paris, the pilot of the Starship Moya. He had the habit to spend all of his free time watching a certain Tech or tinkering with the Delta Prowler. But that's another story.

As the crew makes course towards home, they come across some... 'anomalies' as Scorpius the EMP would call them. 

Rygel was once again cooking one of his famous recipes, when suddenly an unnamed Ensign started convulsing and twisting. Not knowing what to do, he hailed Chia of Nine, thinking she would know what to do. 

"Rygel to Chia of Nine. Chia? Are you there?" he said through his communicator.

"Chia here. What is it this time Rygel?" she said, stifling a yawn as she had just been regenerating. 

"An unnamed Ensign started twisting and convulsing and I believe he just threw up. What should I do?" Rygel asked. 

"What!? Contact the Doc, and stay there. I'll contact Captain Safeway. Chia of Nine out." 

Captain Aeryn Safeway had just been enjoying a very good dream about a certain crewmember when her dream was interrupted by the voice of Chia of Nine. 

"Get out of my dream." She murmured. 

"Captain, are you there?" Chia asked again.

This time, she did get through to Aeryn, who opened her eyes and looked around. 

"Chia? What are you doing in my quarters? Reveal yourself!" She yelled as she reached for her pulse rifle. 

"Captain, your combadge?" Chia said.

"Aha, I knew that." Aeryn replied, while she searched for her combadge in the dark. "What is important enough to wake me in the middle of the night, Chia?" Aeryn Safeway asked. 

"There has been an emergency in the mess hall. It's Rygel's cooking most likely, but still... Could you meet me there?" She explained. 

It didn't take long before Aeryn Safeway was fully awake. Sure enough, she managed to trip over certain items lying on the floor, before she left her quarters. As she walked the short distance to the Mess, she vaguely remembered that she should hail D'Argotay, as he should be informed of the emergency too. But the thought left her mind as fast as it had appeared earlier. As she entered the mess hall, she quickly spotted Lieutenants Crichton and Torres talking to eachother. Chia of Nine was on the other side of the room, examining the body of a crewmember together with Scorpius. Rygel, as usual was busy cooking. Aeryn decided to ask Crichton what had happened here earlier. Just as she went to do that, Ensign Crais bumped into her, spilling a cup of coffee over her clean uniform. 

She glared at him, her mood not improving, and after he muttered an apology, he quickly left the room. 

"Lieutenant, what seems to be the problem?" she asked Tom. 

"Well, Captain. Gilina and I were planning on going to the holo-dec, but we can't decide on which program we should take..." he started.

"No, I meant, what happened here!" Aeryn said, sighing heavily. 

"Oh!" he answered, getting the hint. "Well, I can't really tell you, because Gilina and I were too busy discussing the holo-dec. But I think Rygel can help you." 

'What did I do to deserve this?' she asked herself as she moved over to Rygel. 

"Captain!" he waved at her as he saw her approaching. "Does the doctor already know what happened to that poor Ensign?"

"No, I wanted to ask you. What happened?" she asked the Hynerian. 

"Well, I was cooking this delicious recipe, when a Ensign suddenly started convulsing and twisting. After that, he dropped to the floor like a dead tribble. I called Chia of Nine after that." 

As Safeway turned to talk to Scorpius, Rygel spoke. "Captain, do you think this has anything to do with my cooking?" 

"I wouldn't worry too much Rygel." She said as she left him to his cooking. 

Scorpius was just cleaning up and ordering the body to be moved to sickbay as he saw Captain Safeway approaching. 

"Captain. How good of you to join me on this beautiful morning." 

Aeryn just looked at him funny and then looked at the nameless Ensign. 

"Any idea what happened to the poor fellow?" she asked the EMP. 

"It seems to be a bug." He replied. 

"A bug? Now, how would a bug get on board this ship?" Aeryn asked no one in particular. 

"You would have to ask Lt. Zhavok about that. Now if you would excuse me, I have work to do in Sickbay. Come on Chia, let's go." 

Since the accident with the nameless ensign, more reports of sickness have been reported to Scorpius. Just as Safeway sat down to sip of her coffee, Larraq appeared. 

"Hello Aeryn... how are you?" He asked, looking good as normal. Aeryn secretly had a thing for Larraq and wanted the omnipotent being to come to Moya more often, but he was far too busy knocking moons out of orbit. 

"We have a bug on board this ship." She simply said and took another sip of her coffee. 

Larraq sat down next to her and looked at her. 

"I have nothing to do with that. It's probably that cook's fault. What is his name? Rygel, right?" 

Aeryn nodded. 

"Well, gotta go. Tada..." Larraq said as he disappeared once more. 

Only seconds after Larraq had left, D'Argotay entered. 

"And?" she asked the Commander. 

"Scorpius thinks we have a bug on board. Zhavok hasn't found any bugs living on board Moya and Rygel has baked a pie. Crichton and Torres decided to go on a trek through the forest and Ensign Crais is homesick. Chia of Nine is regenerating and Larraq has just left the ship." D'Argotay said. 

"Thank you. It was more than I wanted to know, but still, it was helpful. Now, did Scorpius suggested where to search for the bug?" Safeway asked.

"Well, he made a list, with the help of Rygel, what the Ensign ingested before he died. It's mainly coffee though, but there's an interesting ingredient: cheese. To be specific, Sebacean cheese." 

"I didn't know we had Sebacean cheese on board." Aeryn spoke. "What about the other crewmembers, did they ate any cheese too?" 

"No. Scorpius isn't sure about their symptoms, but he says they're not infected by the bug." 

"Good." She stood up. "I'm going to Zhavok. Maybe she knows who smuggled the cheese on board." 

"Okay. I'll be in Command then." 

Tom and Gilina were still walking through the forest, when they came upon Larraq.

"Larraq, what are you doing here?" Tom Crichton asked. 

"I need to loan the Delta Prowler." Larraq said. 

"What for? Can't you just transport yourself somewhere?" Gilina asked. 

"I need it for my flying lessons. See, I started taking them a weeken ago, but... well I crashed my ship. So with the Delta Flyer, I can fly until my ship is repaired." Larraq explained. 

"You can loan her, but not a scratch on it okay?" Tom said and when Larraq had left again, they continued their trek through the forest. 

It wasn't long before Zhavok had located the cheese. It appeared that it had been in the crewman's quarters since the beginning of their journey through the Uncharted Quadrants. Now it had mutated into a new lifeform. As Zhavok entered the room, the cheese promptly attacked Zhavok. As the cheese took control over Zhavok, the other security guard couldn't help but laugh as the cheese had placed itself on Zhavok's face. But soon, the cheese had killed the poor security guard. As Zhavok walked back towards Command, the cheese killed every crewmember it came across. Luckily it weren't a lot of crewmembers. As it came across D'Argotay and Safeway, they quickly sounded the alarm. Within microts, the cheese and Zhavok were surrounded by security guards. They sedated Zhavok with skill and they brought him to Scorpius. After Scorpius had examined the cheese, he came to the conclusion that it could very easily be removed from Zhavok's face. As he had done just that, they threw the cheese out of an airlock. 

As Larraq was happily flying in the Delta Prowler, he came across a greenish glow. Since he was headed in that direction anyway, he decided to investigate it, so he could amuse Safeway with the story later. Suddenly, a greenish goo attached itself on the nose of the ship. Not knowing what to do and not a spaceship-wash in sight, he returned to Moya, hoping he could get the goo off before Crichton would notice. Little did he know about Safeway's adventure with the old green Sebacean cheese...

The end.


End file.
